


Let me get this (not so) straight

by agirlcalledbauki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Season/Series 15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27632512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlcalledbauki/pseuds/agirlcalledbauki
Summary: The world is saved, Castiel is back...but what now? With a little help of a friend, Dean finally figures out his feelings
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 59





	Let me get this (not so) straight

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I wrote fanfiction and I never wrote Fanfic for Destiel, but I guess now is a better time than never. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, my English turned for the worse lately and this is clearly not my best work ever. But it's the first thing I wrote in around 4 years, so i take it.  
> I can't believe SPN is ending tonight, thanks for the last 15 years.  
> And thank you for reading my crap.

The Bunker is filled with people and Dean _loves_ it. Sam is sitting with his arm wrapped around Eileen, laughing at one of Bobbys jokes. At a different table, Charlie shows Claire something on her phone, before both burst out laughing. Some people slap Deans back as he walks by and mutter a “Congratulations” to him. Dean is happy, happier than he has been for a while. But why does something inside hurt when he sees Cas?

It’s almost like he said his thoughts aloud, because the crowd of people move slightly, and Dean sees the angel sitting alone in an armchair. Well, he is not an angel anymore, his grace was the price to get out of the Empty. Castiel seems even smaller in the big chair, like he is trying to hide in plain sight. As a new human, this party must feel overwhelming, Dean thinks to himself. He takes a step forward, as Cas catches his gaze. Only a second, then he inspects the wrinkly skin at his fingertips. They used to stare at each other for minutes, now Cas can barely look at him. They haven’t been alone since Cas’ mysterious return, but their last conversation still haunts every one of their interactions.

_The one thing I want, is something I know I can’t have._

_You changed me, Dean._

_I love you._

Dean drowns his whiskey before he turns around. He is not going to let this feeling ruin their We-Defeated-God-Party.

* * *

Charlie finds him one hour later, slumped on the stairs, another drink in hand. Deans face is filled with sorrow and sadness, a look Charlie knows far to well on him.

“Hey Ho”, she laughs and sits down next to him. The metal stairs feel cold, but the alcohol warms her slightly.

“You alright?”, she asks, already knowing the answers. The Winchesters, and especially Dean, did not really talk about their feelings. She fully expects Dean to brush her off with a lame excuse, but finally he speaks.

“Can I talk to you about something? In private?” His voice sounds strangely scared and shaky. He is afraid of something, Charlie realizes, before she nods.

Dean wastes no time and holds her arm gently, pulling them into the quieter parts of the Bunker. They arrive at Deans room and Charlie closes the door behind them. When she turns around, Dean already took place on the bed. He stares at his feet, when he finally breaks the silence.

“How did you know you were gay?”

* * *

“How did you know you were gay?”

The words sputter out of him before he can stop them. He thought about his sexuality ever since Cas got taken by the Empty. Maybe this question already haunted him all his life. He thinks about Dr. Sexy, about Benny, and even about that one dude from high school he had to kiss during Truth or Dare. And he thinks about Cas. Always about Cas… Dean feels the bed dip next to him and finally takes the courage to look at Charlie. She smiles gently at the hunter.

“Well, I’m not going to give you this “I’ve always known” crap, because I didn’t know…Thought of myself as straight as an arrow, until I met Lynn. My vey best friend. We were inseparable and I fell in love the way you fall asleep…”

“Slowly and then all at once?”, Dean sighs, cursing Sam for recommending that damn tear jerker of a book.

Charlie nods slowly beside him, her hand holding onto his arm. “Sounds familiar?”, she asks, smiling sadly.

Yeah, very familiar, Dean thinks and let’s out a sigh. Castiel was always by his side, a life without him felt impossible. Love crept up at Dean and hit him without even noticing. He had lost Cas around a dozen times now, and each loss hurt more than the last one.

_I love you._

It still echoes in his head. Charlie must have sensed his feelings (he couldn’t even name them anymore, there were too many at once).

“Our hunter lives are already so sad, don’t get in the way of your own happiness. You should tell them how you feel”

Tears prickle in Deans eyes, but he hides them with a hug.

“Thanks, Charlie”

* * *

Castiel was still sitting in the armchair, his brows furrowed over a crossword puzzle. Dean took the magazine out of his hands and looked straight into the blue eyes.

“I need some fresh air. Wanna join me?”

Castiel seems surprised and manages to nod a little. Dean knows, Charlie is looking at them leaving, but he will not look back. It’s time to finally look forward.

The night air is cold, but at least the sky is crystal clear. Cas is staring at the constellation, while the moon reflects slightly in his eyes. Deans heart feels like he is bursting with feelings, but he can’t bring the words out. Instead he talks about something he knows: his car.

“We could go for a drive”, he says, dangling the keys in his hand.

“You seem rather drunk, Dean. If something happens, I could not heal you”

Typical, Dean thinks. Castiels first thought was the safety of the hunter, not himself. As a human Castiel will grow old, get hurt and eventually die. That thought frightens Dean and he slightly shakes his head to get rid of it.

“We could go for a walk, how about that?”

Dean already starts walking down the road, and Castiel can only follow. They’ve only been walking for a few minutes, when Castiel crosses his arms.

“Maybe we should head back, it’s pretty cold”

He is only wearing a faded grey hoodie and some jeans, his usual clothes were soaked in his own blood.

“Here, take my jacket”, Dean says and swiftly hands over the brown heavy leather jacket. He doesn’t even think about how cheesy this must look. Castiel mumbles a quiet “thanks” to him as he puts it on. Dean waits for another minute, before he decides to speak.

“Cas, I think we need to talk…about what you said” Castiel doesn’t even look at him and stays silent, so Dean continues. “You said, you…”

He stops, not quite bringing the word over his lips. It is such an easy word, just four letters, but they feel heavy in Deans mouth. When he does not continue, anger flashes over Castiel face

“Yes, I said I love you. Because I did”, Castiel snaps at him and finally looks into Deans face. “Because I do. I love you, Dean! And I can’t take it back, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you!”

“Uncomfortable?”, chokes Dean. His heart is racing. Castiel said it again like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“You can barely look at me, ever since I returned from the Empty! You don’t have to love me back, but at least let me stay your friend!” Castiel is crying, angry tears running down his cheeks.

“I want you to stay”, Dean says quietly. Carefully he takes Cas’ hand and squeezes it. “I always wanted you to stay, but not as my friend…I love you too, you idiot”

Castiels face is full of confusion and before he can say anything, Dean presses his lips onto his. It’s a short kiss and filled with a lot of questions, but it’s probably the best First Kiss Dean ever had.

* * *

Back in the Bunker, Sam is looking for his brother. Dean went out with Cas a while ago and they have not returned yet. Even through the world was safe, Sam still got anxious. Just as he thought about calling Deans phone, the door opens with a creaky sound. Dean and Castiel enter the Bunker, both smiling. Sam immediately notices their interlinked hands and smiles too. He always suspected their “profound bond” would be even more special.

Smiling, he turns to Bobby, who checks his clock and looks frustrated.

“Told you, they would get together before midnight! You owe me 10 bucks!”


End file.
